Life lesson

Never ever make fun of someone who's screwed up badly. You'll hate it when people make fun of YOU for screwing up.

Being a hypocrite is one of the worst possible things a person can do.

[rest of the post has been snipped]

Gone for a while

[post snipped due to event already being over]

Stereo: An Archie Battle-of-the-Bands fanfic

I don't own The Archies. The only things I own in this story are myself and my Washburn WV16. Vickram, Nathan, Rob, and Effendy are owned by themselves. Lyrics are taken from "Sugar Sugar" by The Archies and "And The Hero Will Drown" by Story Of The Year.

[Story break]

“Guys, did you hear the news?”

As one, the four teenagers sitting at their usual booth at their favourite after-school haunt, The Chocklit Shoppe, turned their heads towards the door. Sure enough, Archie Andrews was making a dash towards the said booth, with a flyer in hand.

“What now, Carrot-Top,” Reggie drawled as he resumed drinking his root beer float, “found a way to make instant cash just to compete with me in taking Ronnie out on the most lavish dates?” Noticing the murderous looks on the faces of both said brunette and Betty Cooper, Riverdale High’s most egoistic teen shrugged. “Just calling it as I see it.”

“Just ignore him, pal,” Jughead managed to respond in between mouthfuls of hamburgers, “surely this time you’ve got some sort of scheme that’s so good that you’ve got even my full attention.”

Clearing his throat, the redhead made sure that he had his friends’ attention before proceeding to read from the flyer. “Riverdale’s going to be the host city for the inaugural annual international youth battle-of-the-bands competition coming up in a few weeks time. Basically, the band or group that wins the competition will be crowned THE international youth band of the year, and will be able to choose which major label they want to sign on to!” After noticing that his friends were indeed paying attention, Archie went on. “The competition will be held in two parts over a weekend. The Saturday will be used to determine the best band or group for each of the following genres, and the Sunday is the grand finale between those particular winners. Genres include hip-hop, R’n’B, jazz, pop, rock, and hard rock.”

At this point, Betty, Jughead, Reggie, and Ron were already visualizing the thought of real fame and fortune on an international scale being just a competition away. It did not take long for them to respond.

“I could use the fame!”

“Just imagine, Veronica Lodge, international music star!”

“I could use the cash to get some new clothes for myself.”

“I could the cash to start my own music-themed restaurant!”

“Guys, if you want all that,” Archie cried out in exasperation to his friends’ thoughts that the grand prize would be given to them on a silver platter, “we’ve got to start practicing right away! It’s an international competition, and we don’t know how good our competition will be!”

“While I’m fairly confident we’ve got ‘best pop act’ under our belt, we can’t get too over confident. Besides,” the redhead continued, “the rules state that while original songs are encouraged, cover songs are also accepted.”

“Any idea of who else in Riverdale and the surrounding area is going to take part?” Betty asked. The blonde could not help remember the amusing moments during which the Archies had to endure sabotage from rival bands, only to either emerge as the better band, officially or unofficially. “Not that I need to worry about Gimme Gimme & The Handouts, but I do remember that Ray And The Ray-vons tried to mess us up about two years ago.” Thinking back to the Civil Chore wage-raise dispute, Betty suddenly gasped. “And what about Josie McCoy and her band?”

Jughead took the flyer from Archie and examined the terms at the bottom closely. “We don’t have to worry about that, Bets,” the ever-hungry teen assured, “The Pussycats are already signed onto a major label, so they are not allowed to compete. Besides, they are too busy filming a sequel to their 2001 movie.”

“So, it’s settled,” Archie declared. “Ronnie, go ask your father to get us the best quality instruments he can get. Jughead and Betty, dig out our old sheet music and see if we can speed up and alter any of our existing songs, such as adding in a few extended solos. Reg, persuade Mister Weatherbee if we can be excused from our after-school extracurricular activities so that we can use the time to practice. I’m gonna register our group.”

[Story break]

Toorak (Melbourne)
Victoria, Australia

At the very same moment, five teenagers met inside the garage of a two-storey house, taking their position next to their amplifiers, microphones and, in the case of one person, behind the drums. The leader of the band, with a Washburn WV16 in hand, cued the drummer to count the band in. Four crashes of the cymbals later, the band leader deliberately forced some feedback through the guitar back into his amp, after which the second guitarist started tremolo picking on his Ibanez ARX140 and the bassist started thumping away on his modified Squire P-Bass Special.

Twenty-three seconds after the fourth crash of the cymbal, the vocalist started to scream and sing melodically into the microphone.

Approximately less than three minutes later, the band leader gave his friends a thumbs-up.

[Story break]

Riverdale High School gym
The Friday before the competition

“… Sugar sugar, you are my candy girl…”

Backup vocals rising for a rousing finish, the Archies finally ended their last rehearsal in front of a small group in the school gym. While the band had performed countless of times in front of huge crowds, the fact that the competition was indeed an open competition meant the possibility that there could be a conservative element among the actual audience. As such, the Archies had requested for their parents and the various school faculty members to listen to some of their songs to see if the said conservative element would enjoy it.

“Well, what do you think?” Archie was nervous. He had, while assembling the select group to listen to the rehearsal, had recalled the numerous times when the band’s jam sessions caused problems with both the school (the redhead remembered how his band somehow got some of the teachers making horrible attempts to play classical instruments like wannabe rock stars) and the parents (he had lost count of how many times the band irritated both the Andrews family and Mr Lodge), and was afraid that their music would be too rowdy.

Principal Weatherbee, who had been standing near the entrance the entire time, cleared his throat.

“I think we have a winner.”

As heads turned to stare at him, the stoutly man shrugged. “Your music might have been a bane to our lives in the past but, honestly speaking, of all the bands from the local area I’ve heard, you simply are the cream of the crop.” Suddenly breaking into a grin, Principal Weatherbee gave a thumbs-up to the stunned group. “Go knock ‘em dead!”

Mr Lodge spoke out next. “While that was an unusually punk comment from a man who prides himself on being a good role model, my sentiments are the same as his.” Putting his hands on Archie’s shoulders, the Lodge patriarch looked into the redhead’s eyes. “If you win this competition, you are more than welcome to visit Veronica at the Lodge Mansion anytime you like.”

There was a huge “thump” as Veronica fainted with delight. Before Betty could respond, she overheard her parents conversing loudly with the Andrews with pride.

“Our little girl, all grown up…”

“First, it was Chic to make a name for himself, then it was Polly. Betty will continue to make our family proud…”

“Perhaps we should not have told Archie to cut back on his music after all…”

Nearby, the Mantle and the Jones patriarchs were discussing the possibilities that would come if the Archies won the competition.

“… if my paper could sponsor a band with such caliber, it could end up attracting more readers from across the country, and maybe even the world!”

“… we are definitely getting a bigger house so that Gladys can have more room to keep more ingredients for all the meals that are feeding our winning drummer of a son!”

Archie shrugged. He could never understand their parents.

[Story break]

Riverdale Airport

At the exact moment the Archies played the final chord for “Sugar Sugar”, a Qantas passenger jet landed at the runway of Riverdale Airport. Looking out of the window, a Chinese teenager reflected on his three goals, the second and third ones being dependent on the first one being successful. If this was indeed THE Riverdale, he was going to make hard rock a respectable music genre in the town again, and he was also going to meet the very people he’d always wanted to emulate in terms of cheerfulness and innocence.

“It’s show time…”

[Story break]

Riverdale Park
Day of the competition

“Wow.”

"Yeah, can’t believe Principal Weatherbee was actually correct about us.”

The competition for the best pop band was literally a romp in the park for the Archies. The closest competition was surprisingly from Ray’s new band, ‘Give Your Handouts To Ray’; the disgruntled youth had sought out Gimme Gimme & The Handouts and had reformed the band into a credible pop group. Unfortunately though, as the group was still leaning towards the hard rock genre, a genre that was lacking credibility in Riverdale, the band had come up short against the Archies.

What had really surprised Archie and his band was the fact that the Blossom twins were actually capable of co-existing with not just each other, but also with Adam, to form the pop power-trio ‘Just Cheryl’, with Cheryl as the singer, Adam on the keyboard (“That’s a new one,” Betty murmured to herself) and Jason pounding away behind the drums. While Cheryl was more than adequate as a vocalist, the band fell way short in terms of the actual music, as the two males were more concerned with showing off in front of Betty than actually keeping time with each other.

After having seen Okan, the ‘Red Ringed Onions’ and ‘The Dave Mustaine Trio’ take out the genre trophies for hip-hop, R’N’B, and jazz respectively in three tightly contested competitions, the Archies were forced to endure train wreck after train wreck after train wreck for the hard rock competition. Looking at her watch, Veronica sighed as the announcer started to announce the final band for that particular genre.

“Oh, it’s about time,” the Lodge heiress muttered, “let’s just hope that these guys play quickly and get out of here so that we won’t have to endure another tacky wardrobe.”

“Ick, don’t remind me,” Reggie groaned as he, along with the rest of the Archies, got up from the benches where they were seated to take a better look at the last group to perform for the day. “Compared to those guys, Jughead here looks like your dad in his finest suit.”

“Tell me about it,” Jughead said to the others’ surprise, “I know that I dress weirdly, but it’s better to be weird than… Let’s say, unnecessarily tacky.”

While the three continued complaining about the previous hard rock bands, Archie and Betty simply stood, the redhead’s arm around the blonde’s waist, as they watched four teenagers, all dressed casually like any other sane teenager in not just Riverdale, but the world, walk up the stage with their instruments (or in the case of one of them, drum sticks) in hand. The two became even more intrigued as, after plugging in their instruments and fiddling around with their effects boards, the guitarists and the bassist started warming up with simple riffs, throwing in the occasional lick.

When the drummer finally started playing a few drum rolls, Archie suddenly froze. Noticing this, Betty started to ask what was happening when she heard it. Looking at the stage, the blonde suddenly knew why. There was a piercing feedback ringing through the amplifiers, but it was being controlled by the Chinese guitarist with the v-shaped guitar.

“Archie, I think we might have found THE competitor from the hard rock competition…”

“I know, Bets, the way that guy is controlling the feedback… It’s deliberate, unlike all those amateurs before him… Something big is going to happen…”

Right on cue, the drummer started beating away on the drums, alternating between the cymbals (hi-hats and crash cymbals) and the drums (toms, snare and bass) while the other guitarist and the bassist started playing, the former strumming unusually fast and the latter farming a bass-line from three notes. As the tight yet frantic playing headed for what seemed to be a climax, an Indian teenager suddenly dashed up from the side of the stage and made his way for the microphone at the centre. The instant the microphone was lifted from the stand, all three guitarists leapt into the air.

“Oh.”

“My.”

“Gawd.”

What followed was indeed frantic playing, but was musically tighter than all of the previous hard rock bands put together. The Archies were amazed at how the band was able to inject life into a few simple chords through sheer speed and the occasional lead riffing in between, and how the vocalist was able to alternate between melodic screaming and singing (“The night will come, and rip away, her wings of innocence through every word we say”). The energy was intense, and was infectious as the crowd started jumping up and down in an impromptu mosh pit in front of the stage during the break-down. Finally feeling the energy, the Archies rushed down to the front of the stage to take part in singing the final chorus.

"I guess it's too bad
That everything we had
Is taken away!"

With the final “AWAY” and chord, the band stopped to a huge roar of approval from the crowd. As the cheers died down, the Chinese guitarist took the microphone from the vocalist.

“WE ARE ‘THE SUTHERLAND EFFECT’ FROM MELBOURNE AUSTRALIA, AND THAT WAS “AND THE HERO WILL DROWN” BY ‘STORY OF THE YEAR’!” Pausing to catch his breath, the teenager went on. “I’m Zach T, the singer’s Vickram, special props to Nathan Campbell for that massive tremolo picking at the start, great job to Rob Sutherland for pushing the boundaries of a distorted bass, and give Muhammad Effendy an award for holding the rhythm together with the drums.”

“Seriously, Riverdale’s a great place to be, the people are friendly, and you can get a sense of peace in here most of the time. The music scene here is pretty good too, but hard rock is, I’ll admit, a mess.”

Giving his guitar back to his guitar tech, Zach took up the centre part of the stage. “I guess it’s the conservatives here that are holding back the music potential. Sure, the pop scene is, for the most part, good, and I won’t need to worry about the hip-hop, R’n’B and jazz scenes, but it’s your fear of fully expressing yourself that is stagnating the progress of hard rock music in Riverdale. Without proper reference material to follow, all of these hard rock bands are, quite frankly, a huge joke.”

“How can we improve our hard rock scene, Zach?” Archie called out.

“For starters, take existing regular rock songs, throw on some more distortion and speed it up. Once you can play fast and accurately, if you feel confident enough, throw in some lead fills.” As Zach was giving the audience an impromptu lesson, Nathan was busy demonstrating the lesson by playing a quick, distorted and partially palm-muted take on the main riff of “Sugar Sugar”.

“And that was how Black Sabbath got started, guys, playing Led Zeppelin at a faster, distorted and more technical pace.”

With that, The Sutherland Effect went off stage to collect their trophy.

[Story break]

Pop Tate's shop
The following morning

“Well,” Archie sighed, “time to say goodbye to our dreams. I don’t think we can compete with The Sutherland Effect for the actual competition.”

At this point, Zach, who had been in a nearby but out-of-sight booth commented out loud. “Thinking of quitting already, Andrews? I’m disappointed.”

As the Archies jumped out of their seats in surprise, the Chinese-Australian teenager left his booth and headed over to where they were sitting. “Just because my band creamed the hard rock competition doesn’t mean you surrender immediately to what you feel is superior competition. If you want to win the Battle-Of-The-Bands, make us work for it.”

Softening his tone, Zach went on. “The Archies, giving up? That’s not in any of the comics I’ve read. The Archies I know would find a way to triumph over their competition, regardless of whether the opposition is indeed very good or just a bunch of sleazebags.”

“The competition is in the evening. You’ve got half a day to prepare. Tonight, I want you to give us a real challenge. We are going to make you work for the grand prize, and you are going to do the same for my band. Good day to you.” Paying his bill (“Keep the change!”), Zach left the shop.

As soon as the Asian left, Betty spoke up. “Zach’s right, we just can’t give up now. We are one or two songs away from being the best youth band in the world.”

“While I’m normally negative about our chances in situations like this,” Reggie quipped, “the Asian’s got a point. No point in denying the world the chance to marvel in MY greatness.”

“My dad’s invested quite a bit into our band, Archiekins, don’t let him down.”

“We’ll give The Sutherland Effect a taste of their own medicine, pal. Remember that little take on “Sugar Sugar” that the other guitarist was playing?”

With a determined look on his face, the redhead leader of the Archies stood up.

“If Zach and his band would like a challenge, bring it on.”

[Story break]

Outside the shop, Zach paused in his steps and looked back through the windows.

C'mon guys, you can do it.

Turning to head back to his hotel, the Australian bumped into the frontman of The Dave Mustaine Trio. The two stood still before Zach spoke up.

"Don't want to talk about how you ended up like this, eh?"

"..."

"And what happened to Chris Broderick?"

"..."

"Fine, whatever you say."

[Story break]

What happened between The Archies and The Sutherland Effect during the final competition could be best described as an all-out battle between the two bands. Armed with two songs each, the two bands made a mockery out of the hip-hop and R'n'B groups that preceded them through excellent musicmanship and stage antics.

The Sutherland Effect drew first blood with a version of "Different World" by Iron Maiden played half a step down, and followed up on their twin guitar melodic-playing approach with "Sole Survivor" by Helloween. Nothing could surprise the audience further when The Archies opened their performance with a post-hardcore version of their greatest hit, with Betty on a second electric guitar, followed by "Bye Bye Beautiful" by Nightwish and "Stereo" by Story Of The Year.

Not only had The Archies give The Sutherland Effect a run for their money, but they had also pushed the pop genre in Riverdale towards the heavy side as much as possible, surprising the Australian greatly.

Nobody would ever forget hearing Betty Cooper singing "Our hearts have failed us now" as part of the back-up vocals in the final chorus for "Stereo".

[Story break]

"I misjudged you."

Archie looked up. His band was currently waiting by the sidelines, taking a breather from their performance while waiting for The Dave Mustaine Trio to start playing.

"I gave you a challenge, and that was to make us work for the grand prize," Zach said. "You didn't make us work for it. You've practically robbed us of the grand prize." Breaking into a smile, the Australian went on. "Don't take it the wrong way, mate, that was a bloody excellent performance, and I'll be sorely disappointed if YOU don't leave the place with the trophy."

Archie simply shrugged. "You did inspire me earlier this morning, and Jughead simply nudged me to simply take what you do and push it to beyond your standard." Holding out his right hand, the redhead grinned. "Thanks."

Shaking the hand, Zach started looking around. "Have you seen Effendy?"

"Your drummer? I believe that he, along with the rest of your band, is being chased around town by the entire female population of Riverdale High."

"Fair dinkum? Well, now that you've mentioned it, I think I can see Regina Mantle, Cheryl AND W.W. as part of said female population!"

Archie was about to ask how the Australian knew about those three girls when Dave Mustaine plugged his guitar in, growled, and started singing.

"Don't remember where I was..."

[Story break]

There was a huge outroar when it was announced that The Dave Mustaine Trio won the competition.

[Story break]

Looking out of the plane window, Zach reflected on his short stay in Riverdale. He had made new friends in The Archies, and had decided to move to the quiet city as soon as he could sort out his personal demons. The Australian was surprised when Betty actually showed up at the airport to see him off (the rest of The Sutherland Effect were currently incapacitated after being caught by the female population of Riverdale High), as well as to give him an invitation to return to the city, along with her email address.

Pocketing the invite, Zach smiled as the plane took off.

I'll be back.

[The End]

A/N: I suck at writing endings, ok?

Censorship and double-standards: I hate 'em.

Post number 3 is the first to undergo some snipping. Best to leave any work stuff that might be deemed sensitive as just "massive paperwork".

To say that you've been taught a lesson, only to show that the lesson has not stuck, that's hypocritical. Unfortunately, one cannot express his displeasure at such double-standards without getting into trouble, even if one happened to be pissed off to the point that his state-of-mind has been replaced by a sadistic evil presence. Better to kill oneself with one's own internalised anger; hell, one would do the hypocrite a huge favour if he (not the hypocrite) died from a heart attack caused by anger that, no matter how righteous, cannot be expressed.

I'm not going to pursue this matter anymore. I've learnt my own lesson and will stick to it.

The ghosts have come out to play, 'tis time for me to pray

It's the Hungry Ghost Festival month again. While I may not officially have a religion, I am quite superstitious, and I could be best described as a closet Christian. Will be praying hard for the safety of my friends and family, and also be praying hard for those who are looking for their peace.

[snipped due to change of heart]

Finally got hold of Jughead's Double Digest 142. The ending to the "The Matchmakers" story was quite predictable, but leaves a hint as to how all things are not what they seem.

Also left Fernando Ruiz a message regarding how much he charges for commissions. It's a gift for one of my friends...

- Zach T.